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Temperament & Personality
- by Hal Warfield
Who you
are, how you got that way & how to live with others who aren't like you.
Introduction
I. Temperament defined
Your temperament is like an artist's canvas.
It's your basic inherited style. It's the fabric underlying who you are. Generally speaking, 2 of the basic temperament types
are:
This
varies based on temperament blend and our individual personality development.
II.
Personality defined
Your personality is like the painting on the canvas.
It's what you've built on top of your temperament. Two people with like temperament may be very different in actual behavior.
Factors
that affect personality include socialization, education, birth order, siblings or lack of siblings & interpersonal pressures
will cause us to adapt & change our behaviors.
III. Why study temperament?
Understanding temperament - your own & others - make you much better equipped to handle interpersonal
relationships successfully. Studying your own temperament helps you understand your strengths & weaknesses & why you
do some of the things you do.
Understanding
another's temperament can help you adapt your communication to theirs or, at the least, understand why you have problems
with them.
IV. The four "types"
Why four? Why not forty? There are more than four kinds of people, aren't there? Of course, but
everyone from the ancients to modern psychologists find that people can be grouped into four basic types of personality. These
are:
A. Sanguine
1. Influencing of others,
SP - Artisan - The Sanguine is receptive by nature and outgoing. He is usually called a 'super-extrovert'. This temperament
is usually thought of as a "natural salesman" but they also tend to enter professions that are outgoing such as acting.
He "leads into a room with his mouth" and is never at a loss for words. His outgoing nature makes
him the envy of more timid temperament types. He is most comfortable around people and does not like being alone. He is often
known as a "toucher"; reaching out and touching the arm or shoulder of the person he is talking with. This can make more introverted
temperaments nervous and uncomfortable.
His energy can make him seem more confident
than he actually is and his cheery disposition often cause others to excuse his weaknesses by saying, "That's just how he
is". The sanguine is mostly a happy person whom others are glad to have around.
The
weakness of the sanguine include a lack of discipline which can be expressed in many ways - including a generally "messy"
lifestyle or overeating. The sanguine is the most emotional of the temperaments and can burst into tears or a rage without
warning. These "bursts" are usually over as fast as they occur but this lack of emotional consistency can affect other areas
of his life. He may be "morally flexible" and may take advantage of others via his good nature.
A sanguine's tremendous personal talents can be made or broken by his lack of self-discipline.
B. Choleric
1. Decisive, NT - Rational - The choleric is the most forceful
and active of the four types. He is strong-willed and independent and opinionated. The choleric thrives on activity. He is
the most practical and makes sound, quick decisions. He is not afraid of obstacles and tends to drive right through or over
problems. He is probably the strongest natural leader of the four types. He has the most problem with anger and does not display
compassion easily. He is quick to recognize opportunities and quick to capitalize on them - though details irritate him and,
unless he learns to delegate, he will often gloss over details. His strong will and determination may drive him to succeed
where more gifted people give up.
The choleric is a developer and may be seen in
construction supervision or coaching or law enforcement. Most entrepreneurs are choleric. Because of their impatience they
often end up doing everything themselves. A choleric is extremely goal/task oriented in leading others. His biggest weakness
as a leader is a tendency to run right over people if he feels they are in his way. He assumes that approval and encouragement
will lead others to slack off and he probably finds criticism and faultfinding more useful for his purposes. Through his natural
determination he may succeed where others may give up.
A choleric's weaknesses include
anger and hostility. A choleric is the most likely to have an active temper; he is a door slammer and horn blower and he can
carry a grudge for a long time. This includes a cutting and sarcastic tongue and the choleric will rarely hesitate to tell
someone off. The choleric is the least likely to show affection or any public show of emotion. His emotions are the lease
developed of all the temperaments. Additionally a choleric can be inconsiderate, opinionated and crafty in getting their own
way.
C. Melancholy
1. Conscientious, SJ - Guardian - The melancholy is an introverted temperament
type. His natural style is analytical and perfectionist. He is the most moody of types ranging from highly "up" to gloomy
and depressed. During his low periods he can be very antagonistic and does not make friends easily. He is the most dependable
of the temperaments due to his perfectionist tendencies. His analytical ability allows him to accurately diagnose obstacles
and problems, which often keep him from making changes - he prefers the status quo and may seem overly pessimistic.
He may choose a difficult life vocation involving personal sacrifice. Many melancholies become
doctors or scientists or artists. Their interpersonal style can be critical and negative. He tends to be more indecisive than
other types. They have difficulty giving praise and approval because they cannot bring themselves to say something that is
not 100% true. They also are usually dissatisfied with themselves being highly self-critical.
Other weaknesses include being "thin skinned" or touchy and easily offended. He often feels persecuted and may
seek revenge for real or imagined insults. He tends to be "all or nothing" in his evaluation of things; everything must be
black or white and no shades of gray. He is least likely to consider mitigating circumstances when evaluating a person or
situation. No temperament is more likely to be legalistic and rigid. He can be intolerant and impatient with those who do
not see things his way.
D. Phlegmatic
1. Steady, NF - Idealist - the phlegmatic is best characterized by the words "easy going". He
is the calm and steady person who is not easily disturbed. He is the easiest temperament type to get along with. Life for
him is happy, unexcited and calm. Underneath the calm exterior, the phlegmatic is the most timid temperament type. He often
uses humor to make his points. The phlegmatic is more an observer and does not involve himself in the activities of others.
Phlegmatics make excellent teachers, counselors and administrators. They are very
dependable and organized and, while they never volunteer, they make good group leaders.
The
weakness of a phlegmatic include lack of motivation or even laziness; they appear to lack drive and ambition. A phlegmatic
needs to realize that he is not internally motivated and take up activities that force him into action. The phlegmatic is
self-protective and may be selfish. He is often very stubborn, though it is hidden beneath his mild-mannered style. He is
also the most fearful of temperaments.
After defining each temperament in "black
and white" we must look realize that no one is completely one temperament type. Each of us is a blend of usually two and occasionally
3 types. One temperament type is dominant and one is secondary. And don't forget that training, lifestyle, upbringing and
other circumstances may have forced an individual to function "off style". The saddest people I have seen are those who have
"put on" a style that is not theirs naturally for so long that it has become a habitual way of life
V. The sixteen "combinations"
A. SanChlor
(ID) is the strongest extrovert of all the blends because both primary types are extroverted. They are people-oriented and
enthusiastic but with the resolutions of the choleric tempering the lack of organization of the Sanguine. He is almost always
a sports enthusiast and is ideal in sales. He can talk too much and can be obnoxious if threatened. The forgetfulness of the
sanguine and the caustic nature of the choleric may make them hurtful without realizing it.
B. SanMel (IC) are highly
emotional people whose moods can fluctuate from highs to lows and back again quickly. The sanguine outgoing nature often allows
the melancholy's critical nature "out" too easily. It is very easy for a sanmel to "get down" on themselves and, to realize
their potential, it is best if they work with others.
C. SanPhleg (IS) The overpowering outgoing nature of the sanguine
is tempered by the gracious phlegmatic. These are extremely happy and carefree individuals who live to help people. They would
not purposely hurt anyone but they must fight a lack of workplace motivation - they would rather visit than work.
D.
ChlorSan (DI) The second strongest extrovert is an active and purposeful individual. He is almost fearless and has high levels
of energy. Whatever his profession, his brain is always active and engaged. His weaknesses combine the quick anger of the
sanguine with the resentment of the choleric. He gets AND gives ulcers. He may leave people, including spouse and children,
shell-shocked and resentful of their angry outbursts.
E. ChlorMel (DC) The choleric/melancholy is very industrious
and capable. He is both industrious and detailed. He combines verbal aggressiveness with sharp attention to detail. He is
very competitive and forceful. He can be autocratic and opinionated with work habits that keep after details until the job
is completely finished. He finds interpersonal relationships difficult due to the hard-to-please nature of the choleric and
the perfectionism nature of the melancholy.
F. ChlorPhleg (DS) is the most subdued of the outgoing temperaments. He
is extremely capable in the long run though he may not impress you that way at first. He is organized and a good planner.
He often gets more accomplished than other temperaments because he always thinks in terms of enlisting others to help him.
His weaknesses include a tendency to quietly harbor bitterness rather than letting it out like a chlormeg might. Acknowledging
weaknesses is difficult for him and he tends to worry about his performance in life activities.
G. MelSan (CI) the
detailed and organized melancholy is tempered by the outgoing and warm sanguine. He makes an excellent teacher as his organized
side is well versed in the facts and his sanguine side makes him enjoyable to attend to. If he goes into sales it will be
sales that calls for exacting detail and the presentation of many facts. He is an emotional person - from being moved to tears
to being critical and hard on others. Both temperaments can be fearful which may make this an insecure person with a poor
self image.
H. MelChlor (CD) is both a perfectionist and a driver which may lead him into the law or medicine. They
mix decisiveness and determination. Because of the critical nature of the melancholy they may be very difficult to please.
If they become negative about someone or something it will have a tendency to stay with them for a long time. Their combination
can lead them to "nit-pick" others and be revengeful to those they have a grudge against.
I. MelPhleg (CS) are often
teachers and scholars. They are not as prone to hostility as other melancholy blends and combine analysis with organization.
They make excellent accountants and bookkeepers. Unfortunately he can become easily discouraged and may be susceptible to
fear and anxiety. They may become uncooperative because of stubborn, rigid tendencies.
J. PhlegSan (SI) is the easiest
to get along with being congenial, happy, and people-oriented. They make excellent administrators and other jobs that involve
getting along with people. He may lack motivation and discipline and may fall short of his true capabilities. He may "putter
around" for years without making progress.
K. PhlegChlor (SD) This is the most active of the introverts but he'll
never be a ball of fire. He can be an excellent counselor because he is an active listener. He is practical and helpful and
patient. He may lack motivation and may become stubborn if threatened. He may also have a tendency toward being sedentary
and passive. He needs to be around other people as he is externally motivated.
L. PhlegMel (SC) is gracious and quiet,
does the proper thing and is dependable. He wobbles between patience and criticism and may tend toward negativism. They can
be afraid of overextending themselves so may avoid involvement in a group.
VI. Other factors that shape personality
Just as no
one is only one temperament or an exact blend of two types, there are a multitude of other factors that affect a person's
behavior. The percentage of blend may be any combination of percentages making them more one type than another.
A
choleric raised in the northeast US may exhibit different behavior than one raised in the Deep South due to cultural differences.
Childhood experiences and parenting will cause differences. A Phlegmatic father may behave differently in raising
a child than a melancholy one thereby causing the child to value different behaviors.
A person's level of education
and training may affect behavior as will a person's level of physical health. A healthy phlegchol may seem more outgoing and
aggressive than a choleric with health problems.
In certain individuals there may be parts of three temperament types
blended together. While rare, it does happen and makes it more difficult for the person to get a clear picture of their type.
VII. How to use temperament to your advantage
A. Know
yourself - knowing your temperament blend can be an "eye-opening" experience. It may help explain why you do certain things
and why you don't get along with certain others. Use your knowledge of temperament to guide you in choosing vocations, affiliations,
and friendships.
B. Get along with others - learning how to spot the temperament of others is invaluable. It take
practice but once you can spot a choleric you know not to try and be "chatty" with them. If you spot a phlegmatic you may
understand why they seem quiet and reserved.
C. Work life - This is a key area of understanding temperament. There
are so many people in life who are in jobs that do not match their temperament. A sangphleg may not make a good surgeon. A
cholmel probably wouldn't be happy teaching kindergartners. Tests of temperament often include suggestions concerning career
choices.
D. Relationships - another key area. Cholerics get impatient with sanguines. Melancholies think that phlegmatics
"just don't care" about details. And in marriage we more often than not see opposite temperaments together. This can help
each individual grow and develop or it can cause anger, resentment and separation. Understanding your temperament and your
child's can affect parenting style. A melancholy child needs structure, organization and reassurance. A choleric child needs
a big backyard and a large dog to take care of. A phlegmatic mother needs to be firm with a sanguine child.
Understanding the Masculine & Feminine Side
By John and Micki Baumann
Everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side.
This basic duality
is part of you whether you're a man or woman, boy or girl.
Overview of the Masculine-Feminine
Duality
Essentially, the masculine side comes from a place of strength. Strength
is at the top end of the scale, whereas weakness is at the bottom end.
In contrast, the feminine side comes from a place of goodness. Here,
goodness is at the top end of the scale, whereas badness or evil is at the bottom end.
You develop the strength of the masculine side by having a deep belief
in the value of your own life & you develop the goodness of the feminine side by having a deep belief in the value of
the life of others.
The balance between the masculine & feminine side is very important.
If you have too much strength for the amount of goodness you have, you can really do a lot of harm to people.
Conversely, if you have too much goodness for the amount of strength
you have, then you can do harm to yourself, because you tend to "give it all away".
On a more physical level, if you have a strong masculine side, you
have the ability to take control of your own life & if you have a strong feminine side, you have the ability to let go
of trying to control the lives of others.
A strong feminine side keeps you from interfering with the choices
that others have the right to make for themselves. In terms of energy output, the masculine side always has energy available
to put into accomplishing things, while the feminine side always has energy available for doing what is right or good.
How developed one side is compared to the other defines the balance between the masculine &
feminine sides. This balance not only determines how you treat others relative to yourself, but it also determines what types
of emotions you feel most strongly.
Why do some people have a stronger masculine side while others have
a stronger feminine side?
It depends to some extent on whether you're a man or a woman, because
hormones do play a role, but it also depends a great deal on who you are as a Being.
That is, both the masculine & feminine sides depend on what your
Inner Being has learned to become.
The Masculine Side:
The masculine side deals with the
strength of the self. It is what causes you to act either timidly or self-confidently. The thing
that is most important
in determining the strength of the masculine side, is the value that you, at a deep level, place on yourself.
This
is a value you know within yourself that you have really and truly earned. It could be thought of as a sort of self esteem.
Placing
a high value on yourself affects your whole being and helps you feel strong and confident in operating your life. And, in
the reverse direction, when you are able to operate your life confidently, things can really turn around for you because you
get more out of life, and this automatically makes you place a higher value on yourself. You can build the masculine side
through progress and small wins, through positive reinforcement, by practicing, and by doing things and generally taking an
active part in operating your life.
If you have a strong masculine side, you are in charge of your own life because
you are internally controlled. You tend to look people in the eye. You stand straight, and you usually command attention when
you walk into a room, whether you say anything or not. This happens because of the strength within. If you have a weak masculine
side, you also have a lot of doubts. You doubt yourself, your abilities, your capability to do things. Things intimidate you
and you don't move forward well. You are afraid to put yourself out there because you know you are going to fail, so you don't
even try to accomplish things. If you have a weak masculine side, you often feel the need to show off your attributes and
accomplishments, whereas if you have a strong masculine side you are self-confident, and don't feel it is necessary to show
off.
The masculine side is full of things that you have to be strong and self-confident in order to do. These include
being able to
claim your basic rights, such as the right to feel free to operate independently of others, and the right
to belong or fit into
society in any way you please. Claiming your rights also includes being able to stand up to people
who try to take away your
rights, either by force or intimidation, or by manipulation, or by trying to hinder you in choosing
your own direction in life. The masculine side also includes the ability to take risks when appropriate, to be decisive when
necessary, and to focus or
concentrate in order to get something done. In addition, it includes being able to figure out
how to accomplish things so you can get more of what you want out of life. Part of this is being able to figure out how to
operate your life in a responsible manner, how to reason without distorting reality and without fooling yourself, and how
to accurately weigh probabilities so that you know the most likely outcome to expect in situations you come across.
The Feminine Side:
Like
the masculine side, the basis for the feminine side is also a value. But instead of a being a value you place on yourself,
the feminine side is based on a value that you, at the same deep level, place on others. It could be thought of as a sort
of other esteem. The value you place on others affects your whole being. If you have a strong feminine side and place a high
value on others, you are often giving and unselfish. You usually know what is good for people, and you tend to operate in
ways that helps others get what they want out of life. You happily let people operate their own life without interference
from you, but when asked, you are also willing to help by supporting, cooperating, and giving advice. People feel comfortable
with you because you give of who you are without pushing yourself on others. If you have a strong feminine side, people also
feel comfortable being around you because there is no selfishness for them to detect.
If you have a weak feminine
side, you place a low value on others, and you are not a giving person. Instead, you are selfish and greedy, and tend to keep
yourself closed off from people. You are isolated because you don't want to share yourself, or
anything you have. Also,
you don't take responsibility for yourself, but blame others for your problems. Although the feminine side is generally not
as well understood as the masculine side, the negative or selfish aspect of the feminine side is something almost everybody
recognizes, especially in others. In fact, it may be the most easily recognizable characteristic of all, because of the discomfort
factor involved in being around a selfish person. If someone has a weak feminine side, it could also be said that he has a
strong dark side (the evil or negatively motivated side). The feminine side is always very weak in someone with a strong dark
side, while the masculine side can be anywhere from weak to strong. In the extreme situation where a person has an almost
nonexistent feminine side, he will often act in ways that could be considered evil in nature, because he acts only on his
own behalf, and does it to such an extent that he doesn't care how much his actions hurt others in the process.
If
you have a strong feminine side, you often behave in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You do things you have to
be giving and unselfish in order to do. These include recognizing the basic right of all people to use their own will to operate
their own life, for example, by allowing them freedom to operate independently, freedom to fit in where and how they want,
and freedom to choose what things to confront or face up to in life. Allowing people their basic rights also includes allowing
them to control their own life without interference from you, to choose their own obligations in life without being manipulated
by you, and to choose their own path or direction in life without hindrance from you. The feminine side also includes having
enthusiasm and zest for life, and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. And it includes having the
persistence and tenacity to stay with things to the end, while still knowing when to give up on something if your energy is
better used elsewhere. In addition, the feminine side also includes being kind, compassionate, patient, responsive to the
needs of others, and it includes knowing how much energy you can put into each of these without hurting yourself by draining
your own energy.
The Balance:
The masculine / feminine or yin / yang the balance is extremely important, almost more important than how much you have grown as a person. Even a less evolved person,
if he is balanced, treats others the same way he treats himself.
And that is what balance is all about. If the masculine side is much stronger than the feminine side, you tend to be pushy & take unfair
advantage of people. On the other hand, if the feminine side is much stronger than the masculine side, you tend to let others
take advantage of you & you become a doormat for people.
How can you tell which
side is stronger for you?
The balance between fear & anger in your life is a good indication. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side,
you tend to feel anger more easily than fear. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel unjustly
treated by others & the more easily you'll become angry & aggressive with them, because you have an unrealistically
high opinion of your own rights compared to those of others.
Conversely,
if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to feel fear more easily than anger. The greater the imbalance
in this direction, the more easily you will feel you're treating others unjustly & the more easily you'll become fearful
& defensive, because you have an unrealistically low opinion of your own rights as compared to those of others.
Also,
the greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you'll become angry with yourself, because you don't like your
low level of self-confidence & you inherently realize you aren't living up to your potential.
Rights: The masculine side determines in general how you feel about your own rights, while the feminine side
determines how you feel about the rights of others. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side, you tend to
think of your own rights as being stronger or somehow more valid than the rights of others.
This means you
will slant those rights in your own favor & will sometimes take advantage of other people's rights to the extent of your
masculine / feminine imbalance.
Conversely,
if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to think of other people's rights as being stronger or
somehow more valid than yours. This means you're likely to give up some of your rights in order to give someone else more
than his rights actually entitle him to & consequently, you'll sometimes be taken advantage of.
If you have a good balance between your masculine & feminine sides, you'll generally exercise your own rights when you want, but you'll also
allow others the full measure of their rights.
If you have an imbalance
toward the masculine side, that is, a stronger masculine than feminine side, it means you place a lower value on others than
on yourself. This often shows itself as greed, which is a form of selfishness & a natural consequence of this kind of
imbalance.
Greed produces
the desire to want more than your fair share of things. It's wanting things at the expense of others. A greedy person usually
makes his gains by exploiting others. Greed is the opposite of generosity, since generosity results from wanting everyone
to have enough of everything. Greed is a form of selfishness & is one of the ways that an imbalance shows itself.
Sexuality & the Masculine / Feminine Balance: The stronger the masculine side, the stronger is your sex drive & the more aggressive you are sexually. The stronger
the feminine side, the more giving you are sexually.
Also, the stronger
the feminine side, the greater is your capacity to really enjoy sex when the circumstances are right. This is why selfish
people generally don't enjoy sex very much. So it can be seen that the best lovers are people whose masculine & feminine
sides are both strong.
The Historic Dominance of the Masculine Side:
The masculine side
is the side that everybody knows & understands. All thru time, people have had to develop the masculine side in order
to be able to survive & thrive in the physical sense.
Many books have
been written about developing the self esteem & self-confidence of the masculine side. There have also been many "success"
programs such as Scientology, Est, Lifespring, Tony Robbins, etc.
These programs
develop the masculine "I can do it" attitude & they're effective as far as they go. They're good for people with a stronger
feminine side & a weaker masculine side, because what they teach helps that kind of person achieve balance.
But for people
who are balanced in this way, or who already have a strong masculine side, these programs often create an imbalance, or add to an already
existing imbalance. This is because they develop the masculine side while ignoring the feminine. And it's precisely because
the feminine side has been largely neglected, that the masculine side is so much better understood.
Dominance of the Masculine Side in Business:
Business has always
operated from the completely masculine concept of the bottom line & not from the feminine concept of existing in
order to do what's good for people by benefiting those it serves.
The desire to
be powerful has had a large part in this & has led to a tolerance & even encouragement of the idea that power over
others in small but insidious forms is acceptable, especially where money is concerned. And money is power, in the sense that,
if you have money you can buy the time of others & have them do your bidding.
This completely masculine
orientation has kept business from operating in a balanced way that could be good for the people served by business, in addition to being good for the bottom line.
Liberation & the Developing Masculine Side in Women:
Women have also
been working on developing the masculine
side, sometimes at the expense of the feminine side. Liberation has helped many
women develop the masculine side by teaching them to stand up for their rights & not be coerced in any way. This has gone
a long way in changing the old traditional viewpoint in which the man was the boss & the woman was the slave.
The problem is that,
in some areas, liberation has placed men in the role of the enemy & this has prevented many women from using their feminine
side in interacting with men. This is because liberation has taught some women to feel free to choose only to withhold from
men, but not to feel free to choose to give unselfishly to men.
True liberation
for a woman is freedom to choose how to operate her own life. This includes the freedom to choose to give unselfishly to another
person as well as to withhold giving from them.
Technology, Spiritual Development &
the Global Masculine / Feminine Balance:
When we look at the
development of our species as a whole, technological development could be compared to the masculine side, while spiritual
development could be compared to the feminine side.
And just as balance is necessary for an individual, it's equally important for us as a species to maintain a balance between our technological & spiritual development.
At the present time,
the masculine or technological side is too strong compared to the feminine or spiritual side. This is a dangerous position
to be in because we have technology that is capable of great destruction, but we are hardly developed enough to use it wisely.
There's an expression
that says,
"Technology
& human nature are sometimes a volatile mix."
This volatility
is a result of the imbalance that occurs by having too much technology for our level of spiritual evolution. To correct this
imbalance, it's necessary to develop the feminine side & bring it into closer balance with the masculine side, both individually & as a species.
This will allow us
to use our technology without misusing it, not only in areas of conflict or war, but also in areas of caring for our planet
in a way that's good for her & consequently good for us. Only then will we no longer have to feel that "Whenever we pull
a technological rabbit out of a hat, we end up being disappointed by the droppings it leaves behind."
Balance Requires Developing the Feminine Side:
For reasons of survival,
liberation, business & technology, most people have been able to develop the masculine side to a greater extent than the
feminine. It may be that it's just easier to learn the lessons of the masculine side, but the result is that, as a species,
we are left with a serious masculine / feminine imbalance.
And it's a dangerous
imbalance because it is a formula for destruction & hurting people. The time has come to develop the feminine side
& achieve a greater balance in this area. It's time to recognize that the feminine side has value & that its value lies in knowing & doing what's
GOOD FOR PEOPLE.
It's time to recognize
that it's good for people to give & help each other, because that creates less turmoil in the world. It's time to recognize
that at this moment in our evolution, most people are here to learn to develop the feminine side, because that is what will
give us balance.
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FAQs about Temperament & Personality Types
- by Hal Warfield
A. Can you change your personality? You can't change your basic temperament styles but you can influence your behaviors & thereby your personality.
The biggest mistake
I've seen is someone who has "put on" behaviors that weren't theirs' naturally until it has become habitual. It's almost always
obvious & often painful.
An example is a
phlegmatic who felt is necessary to put on an outgoing sanguine style for so many years that it has become a habit; however
it's clear that this isn't their natural way of being.
B. Can
you change someone else's personality? If you can't change you own, it SHOULD BE clear that
you can't change someone else's, but that won't stop most of us from trying.
This is a special problem
in marriage & child raising if the spouse or parent thinks the other person can be "improved" on.
In Dicken's David Copperfield,
Mr. Murdstone & his sister fatally try to impress their choleric nature on sanguine Mrs. Copperfield. Husbands & wives
who think they'll change their spouse may affect some behavior changes & think they have "changed" them.
Changes are only
fully implemented when they come from within the person & then they'll still be in line with their basic temperament style.
C. Why do people so often
marry opposite temperament? The first person to find out the underlying answer to this one
will retire wealthy. Seriously, what attracts us to another person?
Often it's the
strengths we see in them that we don't have temperamentally.
A choleric woman
may appreciate the easygoing nature of the phlegmatic.
A disorganized
Sanguine appreciates the orderly manner of a melancholy.
Unfortunately,
over time, we realize that our natural strengths are usually their natural weaknesses which can cause friction or even a feeling
of betrayal; that is, "if he really loved me, he wouldn't be so disorganized, or angry, or rigid".
D. Why do different temperament types irritate us?
Again, it's usually a matter of strengths & weaknesses.
A straightforward
choleric is irritated by a highly verbal sanguine.
A highly organized
melancholy finds a phlegmatic's laid back nature to go "against their grain".
The phlegmatic
is the most likely to ignore these irritations.
The choleric is
the most likely to bring them out in the open.
E. Is
one temperament "better" than another? Each of us is who we are - we were made that
way based on inherited temperament characteristics.
Each temperament type at some time thinks another type is "better" but that feeling is usually related to something
they admire in that person that they can't do easily. So a quiet phlegmatic envies the sanguine's easy outgoing manner &
the disorganized sanguine may envy the melancholy's natural organization.
Each type is better
at some things & worse at others. The trick is to match the personality to the situation
- which very rarely happens in normal life.
F. How does
knowing my temperament help me? "Why do I do the things I do?" is a question many of us
have asked ourselves at one time or another. Temperament study gives us insight into some
of those "whys."
A choleric with
a quick temper, the talkative sanguine, or the organized melancholy now have an underlying reason for behavior. The trick
isn't to let temperament become an excuse for negative behavior.
G. What jobs are best for each temperament type?
Again there are many other factors to consider but in general Cholerics make good leaders (managers
or executives) if they can control their tendency to criticize & get angry.
Sanguines make
good teachers if they can keep themselves organized.
Phlegmatics make
good counselors or pastors; anywhere where noncritical listening & relating can be helpful.
Melancholies are
good anywhere organization is important including the law & medical professions.
Cholerics don't
like jobs where easygoing relating-to-others is important.
Phlegmatics don't
care for jobs where they must be outgoing & talkative.
Melancholies detest
jobs where they have little control over their circumstances.
Sanguines don't
like jobs where they must work alone for periods of time.
H. Help! I'm not just a blend of two types - I can see traits of three! This is where temperament
tests can be useful as well as talking with someone familiar with temperament theory.
If we inherit temperament then it's certainly possible to inherit a blend of 3 temperament
types. Email me at the address below for links to the 2 best free temperament tests online.
I. What are quick "cues" that I can use to "read" a person's
temperament? Again, the phlegmatic will be calm, quiet & easygoing. The melancholy will
be precise, analytical & critical in conversation. A sanguine will always be the most verbal & will often be a "toucher".
The choleric will be straightforward, even abrupt and most easily angered.
J. I hate my job! Is that a temperament thing? If you dislike the job
because it doesn't "fit" your type, then yes it may be temperament related.
List those things you
dislike about the job (i.e. relationships, tasks, etc., NOT "it doesn't pay enough".)
& compare them to your temperamental strengths & weaknesses. This should give you
insight into whether or not your job dislike is temperamental.
K. I love my husband (wife, child)
but I can't stand certain traits. How can I change them?
Again, you can't
change a person's temperament type any more than you can change their eye color. Real change
comes when a person sees the need to change & not before. Externally forced change is never real & can cause unhappiness
& friction.
Encourage the other's natural strengths & discourage their natural weaknesses. Realize that you may cause the same feelings in
others that don't have your temperament.
L. How do the different temperament systems match up? Am I a choleric,
a "D", or an "SJ"?
There are many
different "systems" of temperament classification. There are even those that compare a temperament
to different animals. The 3 most common systems include the one used here -
-
choleric
-
sanguine
-
melancholy
-
phlegmatic
as well as the Meyers-Briggs Temperament Indicator
which uses 16 combinations of traits & includes the:
-
Guardian
-
Artisan
-
Rational
-
Idealist
The DiSC system is similar to the first system where
the Decisive is the choleric, the influencer is the Sanguine, the Steady is the phlegmatic & the Conscientious is the
Melancholy.
M. Is my temperament
my personality? Or the other way round? What's the difference?
Temperament is the canvas, personality is the painting.
The temperament is the foundation, personality is the
building. Taking your basic temperament, you add life experience, culture, education &
upbringing to form your personality.
N. How do the temperaments relate to
a person's anger & fear? Everyone experiences fear & anger. The Phlegmatic experiences the most fear &
the choleric the most anger. The Melancholy fears being out of control of situations & the Sanguine has quick, hot flashes
of anger that pass as quickly as they start.
O. Do men
& women's temperaments differ substantially? Temperament
is temperament. There are choleric men & choleric women. There are sanguine women &
sanguine men. Gender is only one of many environmental factors that influence behavior. Others include upbringing, culture,
education, etc.
P. If I can't change my temperament,
then what good is it to know about it? Understanding temperament has many benefits
such as understanding others better or being able to communicate more easily with temperament
types that are different from yours.
But while you can't
change your temperament type, all of us CAN change our behaviors. Knowing your temperamental weaknesses can help you reduce their impact on your life.
Knowing your
temperamental strengths can help you release them more into your everyday life. Feed your strengths & starve
your weaknesses. Understand how your temperament impacts other types of individuals &
adapt accordingly.
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