johnny marzetti

about the layer down under that experience....
looking within: thoughts & thinking
looking within: am i an abuser or abusive?
looking within: are you the one who abandons others?
consistency.... learn about it & use it
about suicide..... it's a shame...
coping mechanisms
communication continued
temperment & personality
family dysfunction

Never Complain, Never Explain. - By Greg Hickman

Quite a number of years ago, I stumbled across a phrase in a magazine that really piqued my interest. The phrase simply said "never complain, never explain.” From the moment I read it, those four words really hit home with me. To my way of thinking, they summed up the philosophy of all winners. A winner should never waste his or her valuable time complaining or making excuses.

I decided to tape a piece of paper containing this phrase to a wall in my office along with an accompanying challenge. As soon as I went an entire day without voicing a complaint or offering up an excuse, I could take the message down.

I have always enjoyed a good challenge and I figured this phrase could provide a tough test of my will for a day or so. The first day or two quickly passed without me accomplishing my goal. "All I need to do is toughen up a little and I'll get the job done. No problem," I confidently reassured myself. A month later, the piece of paper was still taped to my wall.

I couldn't believe it, I still had not gone just one day without making a complaint or offering up some sort of excuse. In fact, I had complained about something and made an excuse about something else at least one time every single day for a month. Not one or the other - but both!

I was disappointed that I had failed to accomplish what had originally seemed like such an easy goal. But more than that, I was embarrassed. Now I was really motivated to answer the challenge and get this message off my wall once and for all. Make no mistake about it, I would get the job done this time for sure!

Five years later that torn, tattered, yellowed piece of paper with the simple little message was still hanging defiantly on my office wall.

How could this have happened to me? I really gave it a good shot, but one way or another, I would always find a way to slip up at some point during each and every day and start complaining or explaining about something or another. One thing I learned from this challenge was we all complain a lot more than we think we do and we make excuses left and right.

We blame people and things and circumstances for just about everything. If you think not, go ahead and put the phrase up on your wall and see if you can go one entire day without offering up one single excuse and without making one single complaint of any kind. No blaming, no complaining, no criticizing, no excuses – for one entire day.

I know what you're probably thinking right about now. You think it will be easy, don't you? Ha! I thought so too. I now realize that the fulfillment of that simple little pledge will be a lifelong pursuit of mine.

Even if you and I fail to live a single day devoid of any personal complaining or explaining, we can still significantly cut down on the amount of complaints and excuses we make and that is indeed a very good start, isn't it? When you take on this challenge, you will begin eliminating a lot of negative feelings and destructive actions from your life and consequently will become a much better person to be around.

There is no better time for you to get to work on your very own "never complain, never explain" challenge than right now. All you have to do is stop complaining and quit explaining and get started today.

Let It Begin With Me - By Helaine Iris

Adopting an attitude of universal responsibility is essentially a personal matter. The real test of compassion is not what we say in abstract discussions but how we conduct ourselves in daily life.” Dalai Lama

I was recently on a glorious vacation in Los Angeles. I took 10 days off to play, rejuvenate & get some well-needed sunshine with my family. I was aware during my “time off” that the political crisis in Iraq was heating up.

I don’t often feel directly vulnerable to the threat of terrorism. I live in a small rural city in New Hampshire; for the most part I have the luxury (or the illusion) of feeling safe in my physical environment.

During the days in LA I was inundated & saturated with newspapers & media. After all, there I was in the heart of a major possible terrorist target. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the LA Times, I was irresistibly drawn to the stories about bombs & chemical warfare & small pox horrors. I looked around at the hundreds of people on the streets & wondered what would happen if there was an emergency? The thought left me cold.

The day before we were scheduled to fly home the security rating went up a notch to high alert. I was starting to truly be concerned about getting on an airplane.

I wanted to quell my anxiety; I certainly didn’t want my daughter to pick up on my fears & be worried about flying home.

Then, it occurred to me. “They” were winning. I was experiencing terrorism. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the definition of terrorism is “use of force or threats to demoralize or intimidate.” And it was working.

In that moment I realized it was my choice to stay afraid or not. I became aware of the “game” that's being played & how easily I fell into it. Suddenly, I felt a calm & a resolve that I wouldn’t let my life be dictated by fear. I became aware of the balance between staying informed & getting sucked in. The tide of fear was turning.

I began to realize whether there is peace in my life or not comes down to my responsibility. Said another way, my ability to respond begins with my thoughts & moves to my actions. It’s all I have control over. Yes, it’s my preference not to go to war with Iraq & can I start by not going to war within myself?

How do you respond to fear in your life? Here are 5 suggestions for building the ability to respond to your world.

1. Your thoughts have power & can become manifest as your reality. Like attracts like. Are you aware of what you spend your time thinking about? You can’t create peace if you're focused on being afraid. The more you resist what you don’t agree with & argue with the reality of what is, the more you will contribute to what you don’t want. Learn to witness your thoughts, see them as just your thoughts, not you.

2. Become conscious of how much you're watching the news & reading the newspapers. Media is designed to keep you afraid, disempowered & sucked in to reacting from fear in the name of keeping you informed. You chose what you feed your soul with. Is it based in love or fear?

3. Spend some time every day creating a "visionary reality” of what your world can look & feel like. Imagine a point in the future & paint in the details for yourself. Envision, not only your own personal environment, but also the whole world.

4. Create peace & compassion from within. What are the emotions that perpetuate a downward spiral of negativity directed both at you & at others? Is it blame, guilt, shame? What do you need to do, what kind of support do you need to handle this? Become a beacon of light radiant with peace.

5. Realize you make a difference. As Henry Ford said,” Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.”

As you build your ability to respond, your whole life will change & flow & feel more peaceful. Others will feel it too. As Jesus said, “Let there be peace on earth & let it begin with me.”

I let it begin with me; I got on that plane & felt at peace. I felt powerful that I had continued to live my life free of the terrorizing thoughts that threatened to not only ruin my vacation but also have control over my life.

It’s YOUR life…imagine the possibilities!

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