consistency.... learn about it & use it

about the layer down under that experience....
looking within: thoughts & thinking
looking within: am i an abuser or abusive?
looking within: are you the one who abandons others?
consistency.... learn about it & use it
about suicide..... it's a shame...
coping mechanisms
communication continued
temperment & personality
family dysfunction

volunteer or donate: helping others, help yourself

Click here to visit the Red Cross page that allows you to access your local chapter of the Red Cross by entering your zip code in the specified box, to see how you can help in your area.

volunteering: helping yourself thru helping others

Your dictionary definition of:
n. pl. con·sis·ten·cies
    1. Agreement or logical coherence among things or parts: a rambling argument that lacked any consistency.
    2. Correspondence among related aspects; compatibility: questioned the consistency of the administration's actions with its stated policy.
  1. Reliability or uniformity of successive results or events: pitched with remarkable consistency throughout the season.

  1. Capable of being relied on; dependable: a reliable assistant; a reliable car.
  2. Yielding the same or compatible results in different clinical experiments or statistical trials.


n 1: a condition in which everything is regular and unvarying

2: the quality of lacking diversity or variation (even to the point of boredom)


welcome! to the layer down under that !
after looking things over here at emotional feelings, try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
another important suggestion... visit this homepage to learn more about the features included within the emotional feelings network of sites!

click here to read "i just gotta say it!"

see here! see here! read this please!!!

How this site works best for you!
You'll notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "the layer down under that," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
The reason for this opportunity is very simple & yet you may be unnerved by all those underlined words! I've been in recovery from post traumatic stress disorder, depression & many other dysfunctional ventures & thru it all I've discovered that emotion & feeling work may be the missing link that many people miss when trying to find solutions to their problems.
Developing a sense of curiosity about why you feel the way you do, is essential in finding the solution you so desperately are searching for.
If you can't find what you came here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!


Consistency in Discipline

Consistency in dealing with children's behavior is recommended if you want to be an effective parent. Although no parent can expect to be perfectly consistent, some level of consistency is needed for children to learn the lessons of social life & feel self-assured. Children learn appropriate behavior easier when learning conditions remain constant. Parents should consider at least 4 aspects of consistent discipline.

Consistency from Situation to Situation

Results are predictable. Your predictable & consistent behavior gives children a sense of security. Children shouldn't have to figure out what parents are going to do next. If rules are consistent, results of disobeying them will be predictable.

Enforcement is important. The importance of a rule is learned by consistently having it enforced. A child who is disciplined for throwing the ball in the living room on Monday but not disciplined for the same action on Tuesday will be confused. This confusion results in children not understanding the reason for rules or principles. Consistent enforcement of rules & following thru with consequences for misbehavior tells the child that rules are important.

Consistency Between Parents

Set common rules. Parents should agree on how to discipline their children. To become reliable to children, both parents must be consistent in dealing with similar situations. Disagreeing with each other over upbringing can create a confusing situation for children*. As one child complained, "Mom tells me I can stay up & watch television & then Dad says she shouldn't allow it."

To avoid this type of situation, disagreements are best resolved when children are absent. Inconsistency between parents causes children to play one parent against the other. When parents disagree, children quite naturally go by the easiest set of regulations. It's best for all involved when parents decide on a common set of rules.

*When partner abuse is present in the parental relationship, trust & consistency aren't present. The non-abusive parent must consider the child's safety & well-being as a priority. Manipulation, threats & put-downs are common forms of abuse directed toward a spouse &/or children. Ask for help.

Consistency Between Command & Example

When teaching good behavior, parents should "practice what they preach." Children learn values & beliefs more by examples adults set than by verbal instructions. Screaming at a child to be quiet or paddling a child for hitting isn't effective. Decide what's important & what parental response to use to teach your child. It would be more effective to calmly tell your child to be quiet or use "time-out" when a child is physically aggressive.

Consistency Between Verbal & Nonverbal Messages

Frequently the message a parent sends isn't the message the child receives. The little boy who said to his mother, "Your mouth says you love me, but your eyes say you don't" received a mixed message. The words told one thing while nonverbal cues suggested the opposite. Mixed or double messages leave a child confused. Parents need to be sure they aren't sending inconsistent messages.

Allow for & expect, change. Parents can't always be perfectly consistent from day to day or situation to situation. Parents' feelings, children's feelings & specific details are constantly changing. Sometimes your common sense will help you decide when bedtime rules should be modified or table manners relaxed.
As children grow & develop, rules & how you deal with them will change. The rules for a 4-year-old will be different for the same child at age 6 or 8. Some rules will be the same, others will be modified or abolished, & new ones will be introduced.


Consistency & Routines
from PBS Dragon Tales
Parenting is a process & every parent needs to find what works best for her family. It's often valuable to establish consistent routines. While many adults may find this process challenging, a consistent routine can help a child feel secure.

Kids learn best thru repeated exposure & experience. They find it comforting when you repeat a routine day after day. A routine lets children understand what is expected & what choices they have.

It's very important for them to feel as though they have some control over their environment & their lives. The result can be a child who listens, cooperates & even seems to enjoy the process of going to bed at a reasonable time, or making the transition from one activity to another.

It helps if you discuss what's going to happen in advance. For example: Explain to your child before he watches a video that when it's over, he will wash up for dinner & come to the table. By communicating consistent & clear messages about what you expect, your child knows ahead of time & can prepare himself for what's in store.

Finding the right routine for your child can be a challenge, but once you discover what works, it can make a world of difference. This applies to bedtime, bath time, meal time, getting out the door, getting ready for school & even cleaning up a child's room.

To create routines that work for you & your children, keep the following points in mind:
  • Have realistic expectations: Be aware of your children's capabilities & know when you're asking too much.

  • Be consistent. Follow the same routine each day so that your kids know what is expected of them.

  • Set clear limits & discuss them in advance. This allows children to understand when things will occur & gives them time to prepare themselves for what is coming next.

  • Provide cues for transition times. This can be extremely helpful, since children do not tell time.

  • Be flexible. Adapt your routines as your children grow & change.

What the Experts Say

Dr. Gloria Rodriquez
"Children have to understand that there is a ritual that you're going to follow and that it's going to have a beginning, a middle, and an end."

Dr. Becky Bailey
"Children don't talk to themselves inside their heads until they're around 7-years-old. They think in terms of pictures. One thing you can do is to explain a routine visually.

For example, you might describe what's going to happen by painting a picture, 'We're going to watch a little TV, take a bath, and have snuggle time,' and then your child's brain will pick up that pattern."

Questions to Ask Yourself
  1. Are you staying consistent with your routines, making sure that bedtime stays relatively constant & other chores are regularly completed?

  2. Are you helping your child to follow routines by the way you speak to him? Are your words complimentary & positive?

  3. Are you being consistent in your parenting approach? (That means saying what you mean & meaning what you say.)

Video Clips from Parent Tales
Watch Dr. Becky Bailey & Dr. Gloria Rodriguez help parents set up routines that work. To view these clips you'll need

Printable Awards
Celebrate your child's efforts with these printable Dragon Tales certificates.


Blah, Blah, Blah... Isn't Consistency Boring?
by Kathleen Howe
Consistency... I was thinking about how important it is and I realized how lousy I am at producing it. If I were to describe myself - I'd not choose consistent to describe most of my behaviors. I'm better at it now, and I realize now the importance of it for the first time in my life - but I'm so afraid I'll become boring if I become consistent. Boring isn't a description that I want associated with me.
Consistency... I guess I've carried a misconception about it for my entire life. Why be consistent? Why not be spontaneous? And then... I realize that being spontaneous has nothing to do with being consistent! Wow, what was I thinking? I've been consistently turning away from consistency! If that statement makes sense to you then you might be wearing my shoes!
In my research concerning emotions and feelings I realized many months ago that there are some emotions and feelings that I'm just not very good at. I've never known them in my lifetime. That's hard to believe, but let me ask you a question!
"Have you always felt safe in your relationships?"
"How many people have you been able to trust in your lifetime?"
It became abundantly clear to me when I was working on feeling safe and being able to trust someone that the two went together. How could you feel safe with someone you couldn't trust? You just can't. That's all. It's impossible to feel safe around someone that you don't trust. It was about my marriage that I was thinking this. I was afraid to talk to my husband about some very important things. I was afraid because in my past marriages there were many abusive techniques used against me in association with finances. I was forced into believing we didn't have any money. I thought we couldn't pay our bills. I had never been any good at bills so I just trusted my husband.
He was banking money on the side so he could leave me and have money to live on. So of course, I couldn't trust him. He humiliated me and used my insecurities against me most of the time so in my present marriage it was very difficult for me to open up if I had a problem or a question or needed to talk about my personal growth and recovery.. I was afraid of something negative happening.
The reason I finally was able to see was because of consistency. I had been consistently abused in some way, never made to feel safe and I could never trust anyone in my entire life. So how did I think it would instantly appear in this present marriage? Did I think that just because I wanted it to be so that it would magically happen? Yes, unfortunately, I did. I just wanted it to be so and I hoped for it.
So one day I was fishing with my husband and I wanted to tell him something about our finances. I took the step out and decided that he couldn't do anything to me if I told him that hadn't happened to me before. So I just opened my mouth and said, "I don't think we can afford to go on any trips for awhile." Wow! I said it! This was awesome. I waited for his reply although the sheer delight I was experiencing because I had dared to say it out loud to him was making my mind jump around in glee!
Long story, shortened... all he said was, "Okay."

Feeling safe in a relationship is essential for intimacy to occur. Trust and the truth are crucial. There are so many things that have been missing in my life and most of them revolve around the concept of consistency. While my mother has been one of the most consistent people I have ever known; she never taught me her methods.
Consistency in parenting and taking care of ones' self are two more things that thrive because one knows what to expect and what to do to keep on an even keel. Knowing what needs to be done is the leg work, consistency holds it together like glue. I've not been able to master consistency yet, but I'm trying. I'm trying very hard.
Think about it. When you don't know what to do to make things better in your life, write it down in a plan. If I follow these six simple steps every day - consistently - things will get better. And just go for it. Learn it - educate yourself why it will work. Understand it so you can count on it; and then take action. Be consistent with everything you do. You don't have to be boring. You can be consistently spontaneous! Isn't that awesome?

Consistency Counts!
Written Sunday 08/14/05 by Joseph Rossini

Consistency is perhaps the most important quality that we humans look for in all types of personal & business relationships. Consistency nurtures security & trust & is a quality that determines value in the marketplace. Every responsible business entity & organization strives to be consistent in the areas of reliability & performance, regarding their products & services.

For decades, companies such as IBM, Proctor & Gamble & Disney have been able to charge a premium for their brand of products & services. Individuals & companies who purchase these brands have come to expect a high degree of consistency, resulting in a feeling of loyalty to continue doing business with these companies.

At the lower end of the food chain, McDonald's has built its success story by selling inexpensive meals to its clients with the same degree of consistency. You don’t expect a gourmet meal when you stop at McDonald's to eat.

However, you do expect to be served quickly at their drive-thru service & you expect their French Fries to taste the same in Europe as they taste in Florida or California. And they sure do! Consistency counts & McDonald’s is jamming in every town around the world.

I learned a great lesson regarding the power of consistency nearly a decade ago. Prior to selling our company, we hired an individual to create a 10 minute film, describing the success story of our organization.

We wanted to use this film as a sales tool for potential clients. This individual traveled for weeks to all of our locations, to film interviews of our associates at every job level.

He asked every individual for the primary reason they thought we achieved such great success in the marketplace. From more than 10 hours of brief interviews with hundreds of associates, one word overwhelmingly described their own sentiments for our success. That word was CONSISTENCY.

No one knew what anyone else was saying privately to the interviewer. Yet almost everyone believed our success was due to the CONSISTENT SERVICE we provided over a 25 year time span. They believed our customers depended on our consistency for their own success & rewarded us with years of loyalty.

Developing consistency in all you do is one more piece of the puzzle that fits snugly into our Learning Life’s Lessons theme. It’s fitting to announce that this is the 52nd consecutive Sunday that I have written a Lesson for this website.

I sincerely believe in consistency & have developed a Monday morning audience of viewers that have been reading my polls & lessons weekly for the last 167 weeks. No breaks in the rhythm. No excuses for missing a Sunday. Just sheer consistency that forces me to practice what I preach.

Every successful business person should be consistent in dealing with their clients. Every loving husband or wife should be consistent when interacting with their spouse.

Every parent should be consistent in their relationships & decisions regarding their children. Our judicial system should be consistent. Our government should be consistent. Our schools should be consistent. In fact I feel safe to say that if success & achievement is a goal a high level of consistency is the road to lead you there.

So now you may ask – how do you develop this consistency, professed to be so important in life? My answer would be……one step at a time. You can’t travel down any road until you take the first step. If you want to drive 1265 miles from New Jersey to South Florida – you can’t get there until you get in to your car. You have to drive mile one, two, three & so forth, for 20 long hours.

There are no shortcuts that will get you there any faster. You have to put your time in on the road & consistently steer your car in the right direction.

The same is true in developing any type of consistent behavior. I wrote the Introduction to Learning Life’s Lessons on August 22nd 2004. I set a goal to write at least 100 of these lessons for my viewers & perhaps publish them in an e-book. That was 51 weeks ago & I'm still at it.

It’s not in my thought process to skip a Sunday. I just know that I'm going to write a lesson every single week. I refuse to let myself down. That’s the kind of resolve you need to develop consistency. No excuses. JUST DO IT!

The by-product of each small goal you achieve – is the empowering force of confidence to stretch yourself to achieve even more difficult goals. Laziness isn't part of the formula in the prescription for developing consistency. Neither is making excuses & whining. You must keep completing the necessary steps to develop consistent, positive behavior. If you can persevere, the payoff in wealth, happiness & fulfillment can be huge. In celebrating this 52nd issue of Learning Life’s Lessons - always remember – CONSISTENCY COUNTS!

Kid got a bad attitude? Here’s how to change it

In an excerpt from her book ‘Laying Down the Law,’ Dr. Ruth Peters discusses the need for consistent behavior modification

By Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D.
"Today" contributor
Updated: 8:15 a.m. ET May 20, 2006

In the latest installment from "Today" show contributor Dr. Ruth Peters' book,  “Laying Down the Law: The 25 Laws of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on Track, Out of Trouble & (Pretty Much) Under Control,” she shares advice on how to get better behavior from your child. Here's an excerpt:

Law #5:
Connect Consequences to Behavior

I guarantee you can get better behavior from your child. But there's only one way to do it. You must make it perfectly, unmistakably, absolutely clear that what he does will determine what happens to him. No amount of nudging, cajoling, or, worst of all, threatening, will do a lick of good until you connect consequences to his behavior.

Psychologists have long struggled with the chicken-&-egg concept of what comes first - attitudinal or behavioral change. One group believes that folks must adjust their perceptions or feelings before they'll change their actions.

The other camp campaigns for motivating behavioral change first, with changes in desires, perceptions & feelings following.

As a behavioral psychologist I'm a dyed-in-the-wool member of the latter camp. I strongly believe that changing a person’s actions leads to changes in thoughts & attitudes.

i.e., using good study skill behaviors leads to homework completion & good grades, as well as increased knowledge in the subject.

When a child is well prepared for class, it's a more enjoyable & interesting experience. Usually that results in greater class participation, even higher grades & a heightened academic self-confidence.

This in turn develops into feelings of mastery of the subject & increased interest. Voila! - a change that began as study skill behavior has resulted in the attitudinal advantage of interest & enjoyment.

Psychologists who favor a more psychoanalytic or Freudian approach wouldn't agree with me. They believe that folks can't change their behaviors until genuine attitudinal changes occur first.

The problem with this notion, in my mind, is that I don’t want to take the time to talk people into considering change. Why waste weeks, months, or even years yakking about the need to see things differently when you can motivate your children to change their inappropriate behavior within a few weeks using behavioral methods?

What’s more, behavioral changes lead to the development of valuable skills, such as increased frustration tolerance, self-discipline & perseverance, that not only help your kids during childhood but will follow them into & thru their adult years.

In short, their future spouses, employers & children will thank you for your diligence during this time!

I’ve found that the effective use of consequences & teaching what I call the “behavior-consequence connection” are the most efficient ways of gaining better behavior as well as genuine changes in kid attitude.

In this law & the 2 that follow, you’ll learn the simple but effective parenting tactics that make changes fast & make changes that last.

Okay, let’s try some old sayings on for size. How about, “What goes around comes around,” “You get what you pay for,” “You reap what you sow.”

All of these mean the same thing - that what you do (your behavior) determines what will happen to you (the consequence). That, in a nutshell, is the essence of the behavior-consequence connection. Try as we may to be new & innovative, those old sayings still fit. We simply can't avoid this inevitability of human nature.

I truly believe that good things come to good people, that those who persevere & persist achieve their reasonable goals & that slackers end up bitter & resentful. Sure, some folks sneak by & get away with cheating once in a while or run a red light & avoid a ticket, but in the long run it all catches up with you.

As parents, we must teach our kids that they're the masters of their destiny. Blaming others for defeats or failures is a waste of time, energy & self-pride. Most of all, we need our children to take responsibility for their behaviors on a daily, weekly & long-term basis.

Kids Learn Fast
et’s take a look at how this learning occurs with your child. She wasn’t born with the knowledge of repercussions of behavior, but the training begins almost immediately following birth.

Within a few hours your beautiful newborn started getting the hint that if she cried, she would be cuddled or fed. As a toddler she caught on pretty quickly to the idea that holding on to a table top or your hand would help keep her steady as she learned to walk.

After a little more practice, she probably felt confident enough to start cruising around on her own.

As she gets older the learning continues to grow in complexity. In preschool she won’t innately know that she should sit still at circle time as her teacher reads a book - she must be taught to do so.

In grade school she learns about following rules by being praised for appropriate behavior (turning homework in on time) or by sitting out recess for horsing around during class.

With multiple teachers & classes to deal with in middle school, she may learn the behavior-consequence connection the hard way - by bringing home some atrocious report cards.

A disorganized approach to the school day usually doesn’t cut it. This means incomplete homework or being unprepared for tests. And her grades will show it. Mom & Dad are usually less than thrilled with the result & then the hammer comes down - being pulled from certain after-school activities or grounded altogether.

In high school the pressures, responsibilities & dangers grow. With driving & curfews come rules that she may choose to obey or disregard, with drastic consequences. As a teen she’ll meet kids with all types of values (ranging from horrific to terrific) & she must make behavioral choices as to whether to engage in substance use, sexual activity, or slacking off academically.

I’ve worked with many teens over the years who ignore or flat-out deny that their behavior has real consequences, or they admit it but resent the adults who remind them & attempt to make their lives miserable as a result.

I’ve also met many kids who are rarely allowed to feel the repercussions of what they do. Mom or Dad may “fix” the problem for the kid (repair a damaged car without the teen pitching in with some of his own money), defend the child inappropriately (“My Tommy would never come up with the idea of sneaking out at night. Your Johnny must have pressured him into it!”), or ignore the behavior altogether (not checking or commenting upon poor report cards).

Although well-meaning, folks who don't allow their children to be held accountable for their inappropriate behavior actually deprive them of learning the behavior-consequence connection & perpetuate the myth that whatever they do is okay.

One of the best examples of a thickheaded kid not being trained to respect the behavior-consequence connection was Chance - a real cutie whom I first met when he was 12 years old. His mom brought him to see me because he was about to be booted out of his private-school classroom for acting up as well as failing to complete homework or to study for tests.

During class, Chance was hysterical - he could break up the class with his stand-up comedy at a moment’s notice & he was usually game for some impulsive risk-taking, especially if it involved entertaining the troops by making rather gross body function noises.

The interesting thing was that although he spent more time fooling around than paying attention, Chance consistently made great grades, report card after report card. His parents weren’t concerned that he displayed few, if any, study skills & they thought that his antics were actually amusing.

After interviewing Chance, though, I found little humor in his irresponsible attitude toward his studies as well as his behavior toward his classmates & teachers. At 12 years of age & in the 6th grade, this intellectually gifted child was able to get by academically by depending upon his excellent memory & terrific verbal skills.

He had a knack for eliminating incorrect answers to multiple-choice questions & could produce an essay with ease. That is, in the 6th grade. I cautioned this young man that his intellectual & high-level reasoning prowess would take him only so far & that in the not-too-distant future his lack of organization, planning & study skills would catch up with him.

Well, Chance wasn't buying into my predictive abilities & since his folks didn’t seem to care whether he did his math homework or not (as long as the grade on the report card was acceptable), he chose to continue his irresponsible ways.

By the end of the school year, the administration had had it with him, & his admission contract wasn't renewed. So, off to public school he went.

I next caught wind of Chance in his senior year in high school. Although no longer quite the cutup of his middle-school years, he still didn't see the need to do things that weren't particularly interesting or fun.

His homework was sloppy, if completed at all & he continued to rely on his intellect to get him thru his classes. But it was no longer working - Chance was learning the hard way that without the proper behavior (studying), negative consequences would occur (a poor grade point average & low SAT scores).

His parents brought him to see me at that time because Chance was becoming depressed. Most of his friends were headed to 4-year universities in the fall, yet Chance hadn't been accepted at any of his choices. He'd have to do his time at the local community college & if he got his act together & made good grades, perhaps he'd be able to hook up with his buddies for his junior year in college.

At 17 years old, Chance was finally getting the message & was beginning to regret his irresponsible ways. But he was going to have to pay the price & bear the consequences of his previous actions.

Think your child is just going to pick this up on her own? Willing to bet her lifelong happiness on it? That’s really what you’re doing if you’re not actively involved in teaching this lesson.

Sure, she’ll run into some consequences with teachers & friends along the way, but there are so many more teachable moments available to you at home & during family activities. She doesn’t have to learn thru pain. It can be done in a normal, everyday fashion - without the dreaded sit-down formal lecture.

For instance:

  • When your little one grabs her favorite cereal box off the shelf at the grocery store (behavior), say “no” & have her replace the box on the shelf (consequence) & move on. If she asks politely & it’s a reasonable request (behavior), say “yes” & have her put the cereal into the shopping cart (consequence).

  • When your grade-schooler “forgets” about some homework until bedtime (behavior), set the alarm clock for 30 minutes earlier the next morning (consequence) so that she can get it done before school.

  • If your middle schooler leaves her lunch money at home (behavior), don’t deliver it to her. She can either go hungry that day or mooch some food or cash from her friends (consequence).

  • Your heavy-footed (behavior) 17-year-old can pay for her own speeding ticket or attend Saturday driving school for a few weeks (consequence) rather than you taking care of the bill for her.

The faster that kids learn the connection between what they do & the effect that it has upon others, the faster they begin to understand the idea of responsibility & outcome.

They tend to think before acting, are less impulsive than their peers & are often socially & academically successful. In addition, home life is much more comfortable as you find yourself having to nag & remind less, activities  not only frustrating to you but very annoying to your child.

Moreover, the ultimate goal of guiding your child into a self-disciplined adult is achieved. Kids who are allowed & encouraged to learn the behavior-consequence connection evolve gracefully into responsible adults.

Extra chores or obligations are handled appropriately & challenges are seen as just that - something to be accomplished, not problems to be avoided.

Living the Law

It’s never too soon or too late. Realizing that brand-new babies begin to make the connection between what they do & what they get should solidify the idea that your 13-year-old daughter can understand the concept also.

Don’t give up on her - even if she professes to “forget” or to “just not get it,” don’t buy into that. She’ll figure it out quickly if there's something in it for her - be it positive or negative.

Take advantage of teachable moments. Although you don’t need to go on & on about the behavior-consequence connection, if you see an opportunity (& there’s probably at least one each day), bring it to your child’s attention.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re constantly criticizing the kid. You’re just teaching her that making fun of her friend may lead to retaliation or at least a lessened friendship, or that getting a speeding ticket on her record will mean higher insurance premiums for years to come.

Watch out for feelings of entitlement. Be careful that your children don't take everything for granted - make them work for their allowances & privileges so that they see that effort leads to results!

If they complain that it’s unfair that they have to work more than their friends, call a family meeting to discuss why you're making such a fuss about the behavior-consequence connection & why living it is so important to your family.

Check your own behavior. It’s really not a good idea to run a red light or to do one of those “rolling stops” at the stop sign. Even if you don’t get a ticket from a policeman, your kids may believe that there are 2 sets of rules out there - one for your family & one for the rest of the world.

Remember, they're watching how you follow the rules & will most likely behave in a similar manner as they grow.

Don’t assume anything! Presuming that your kids will understand the connection just by attending school or playing with the neighborhood children is risky business. You may get lucky & have a mom or dad down the street who points out the behavior-consequence connection to your kid, but most will not.

Folks tend to be reticent about disciplining other people’s children. So if you hear that your child acted up at a friend’s house or misbehaved in school, do something about it yourself. Sure, it may be double jeopardy, but I’d rather have the idea securely instilled in your kid than take the chance of it not becoming part of her personal value system.

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